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Don't go talking too loud, you'll cause a landslide, Mr. Jones - MrPutter: doing things the hard way, because it is there.
March 5th, 2014
05:29 am
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Don't go talking too loud, you'll cause a landslide, Mr. Jones
hsifyppah is pretty damn smart. Y’all should listen to her.

So as the latest in a series of not-so-great ideas, the post I had here was probably one.

Here. have a map of energy lease sales instead:
Energy lease and licence sales in Alberta Jan. 2012 to present. (Click for big).

Current Location: T2M 4E6
Current Mood: guiltyguilty
Current Music: The Bee Gees -- New York Mining Disaster 1941
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From:hsifyppah
Date:March 5th, 2014 09:03 pm (UTC)
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I don’t know long it would take to forgive myself if I let go of this.

So. How do I stop overthinking this and become a bloody normal human being again??!?


I apologize if this comes out patronizing. Read, shrug, take it or leave it. Feel free to delete the comment too if you are not interested in discussing this in your public comments.

You can loosen your grip without letting go. You've already been chastised for being too intense, yes?

And: you can't will yourself to stop overthinking, but you can try to contain it. I know so well - maybe we all know so well - the feeling of thinking constantly about someone cherished, being aware every minute how long since they spoke to or reached out to me, having the thought as I go through life of wanting to tell THEM about it as soon as possible. It fades away slowly in the course of a friendship or relationship to the extent that is it replaced by trust that they will be there. Slowly you come to trust that they will be fond of you without constant evidence, and that they will exist in your life at regular future doses and you don't need to hoard all the precious time now.

This comes slowly and the maddening, clingy overthinking/obsession is not possible to bid to quietude while you wait. But. You can choose whether it stays inside your head or whether it spills out in to your actions and communication. You can decide: Okay, I can see that my impulses here are not rational. I am setting some limits for myself to mitigate the burn zone of this consuming fire. I am choosing to... not drop by unannounced, or only email once a week, or to wait 3 days before sharing my new story or epiphany or whatever, or to stop before setting up meetings/group communications with connected third parties if I'm only doing it in the hope of catching this one person's attention --- or whatever applies to you.

These days most of my lovers are long-distance relationships, which lends itself so much to this kind of tempting over-intensity. After going through it for the Nth time, it's still as consuming as ever - infatuation/obsession/adoration are not just for teenagers - but it gets easier to tell myself that it will pass with time and with familiarity, and it does. I always feel happier with myself if I've managed to keep most of the clingy inside my own head, and stayed away from disingenuous communication, which ironically can mean putting a limit on the /volume/ of very-open communication. Not lying to them or trying to conceal the strength of my affection, but letting the more measured parts of me contribute some dignity, restraint, and easy-goingness to the proceedings. Until the time much later when the overthinking has faded and I can trust myself to have figured out the best way to be in fellowship with this person. For a romantic relationship that's somewhere from 3 to 9 months later for me. For a platonic friendship that is burning with that mutual-admiration society feeling, 2 or 3 months. For a crush I can't bring myself to make a move on or where I've been kindly discouraged from proceeding but want to stay friends, oh god, it can take a year or two before I can safely stop my internal border patrol.

I don't know if any of that is helpful or not. But sympathetic clucking from the overthinking club over here.
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