Compartmentalization. It can be a strange thing sometimes.
So a little while (6 weeks or so) back, I helped a friend get a job at AWA.
That’s. A bit of a strange thing, in and of itself. For multiple reasons. But is also not the point of this post.
The point is... I don’t know, entirely.
It’s interesting, the way in which we (“We?” Or just “I?” Maybe this is just me?) compartmentalize things. And, uh, people. Without intending to; without even realizing it, until the fact is thrust in our faces.
And so as I’ve discovered, I apparently have a mental compartment for “friends,” and another for “coworkers,” and the boundary between them is not nearly so permeable as I might have previously anticipated.
And so now my erstwhile friend sits in this weird neither-here-nor-there purgatorial zone of being both but also being neither. And I suddenly have no idea how to relate to her. It’s not deliberate of course. Indeed I would entirely rather this not be an issue. But ahhh if only I could just will my brain to work in a certain way...
Instead her desk is right there beside my office, and I spend almost the entire day ignoring? her. And I notice it. I notice how I treat her different from all my other coworkers. And I’m angry at myself for it. And I wish I knew how to change that; how to deal with her either as with my other coworkers, or as a friend like she used to be.
But in the meantime, every interaction feels forced. Because every interaction is something I have to force myself into. Because I’m just apparently incapable of dealing with this sudden abutment of “friend” into the workplace.