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One Year Later - MrPutter: doing things the hard way, because it is there.
November 20th, 2003
01:54 am
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One Year Later
One year and this is so unhealthy I should stop it but I can't just can't stop thinking about it dumbass stop brooding over it do you want to spend the rest of your life stuck in this rut do you want to spend the rest of your whole life feeling like shit over it full of regrets full of crap more like.

I said at the time that I would have no regrets. I lied.

There aren't many things in the world I really regret. Who I am is what I am, good or bad, and if you take away those regrets, then you take away who I am, and for whatever it's worth, dammit, I. Am. Me. So there are precious few things in this world that I really honestly truly regret.

And you are one of them.


If I hadn't been so FUCKING stupid. Well, afterwards, but whatever, it all comes from one point.

I wish I could undo those stupid things, yes.
I wish I could turn back the clock, yes.

But to where? How far back?


Well, that's easy. Sunday October 13, 2002. That's a day I'll never forget. That's the day I should undo. That's the day that was so amazing at the time. Man. Was I on top of the world. So much fun. So much amazing.

But it never should have happened no no if it had never happened if I had just said NO if I had just forgone that one amazing night of, yeah. That. Traded one stupid night that never should have happened for the whole FUCKING year that came after.

Yeah, my hindsight is 20/20. I'd trade it away in a heartbeat.


'Tis better to have loved and lost than....                     Fuck You.


Dammit, why didn't I stop it when I had the chance? Before it all ran out of control?






Not that it would have made any difference. And not that I didn't, in different words. But maybe I should have said this a long time ago:
    Whatever I did to make you feel this way, I'm sorry;
    Obviously
             It wasn't me this time around.
    Whatever I need to say to put this down, I'm sorry;
    I wish we could
             Still be friends -- those fateful words
    But anything's better than this...

    I don't want to leave like this, things left unsaid, thoughts hanging;
    Disconnected
             Like telephones and awkward words.
    I don't want these artificial overtures, thoughts hanging;
    It's not up to me any -
             More, so slam that door
    'Cause anything's better than this...

    Although how arrogant to think it's all me
    That's causing your distressful times but
    The loop, it keeps returning to this --
    The way things are is
    The way they are
    And I fear there's nothing left to mend...

    I'm not the most eloquent when it comes to conversation;
    My style is more like
             A wall than like an open door.
    Your talk with me will likely resemble confrontation;
    If I could just mend
             My ways, I'd like to say
    That anything's better than this...

    Although how arrogant to think it's all me
    That's causing your distressful times but
    The loop, it keeps returning to this --
    The way things are is
    The way they are
    And I fear there's nothing left to mend...

    Now hardly a day goes by that I don't wish that you could
    Turn your back on
             My stupid acts of yesterday.
    And hardly a day goes by that I don't wish that I could
    Make things alright, but
             When I try, it seems I
    Make everything worse than this...

    (So)

    Whatever I did to make you feel this way, I'm sorry;
    Obviously
             It wasn't me this time around.
    Whatever I need to say to put this down, I'm sorry;
    I wish we could
             Still be friends -- those fateful words
    But anything's better than this...

    Although how arrogant to think it's all me
    That's causing your distressful times but
    The loop, it keeps returning to this --
    The way things are is
    The way they are
    And I fear there's nothing left to mend

    Again

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Groovy Aardvark -- Le Petit Bonheur

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[User Picture]
From:dubaiwalla
Date:November 20th, 2003 05:58 am (UTC)
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OK I still have no idea about what exactly went wrong at the time, but the way I see it, given that you're still thinking about the events of the time, pretending to yourself that you can forget about it doesn't seem to be much of a solution. How about 'When in doubt, do the obvious' and try to apologize (again?), see where that leads? Actually just ignore me, I'm not quite sure why I'm posting to begin with.
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