May 19th, 2003

wailing wall

A day of goodbyes

Yesterday we went out to see X-Men 2. My birthday-cum-going-away party. The guys all chipped in and got me a gift certificate. New shoes, wo0t. Yeah, among other things. And 5 of us went to the movie... Anushka, Majed, Nitin, Naafii and yours truly. Fun movie, lots of explosions, somewhat forgettable plot; your standard action fare. Probably about right for the purpose. Then afterwards I went out for dinner with Majed and Ejaz (from Sharjah University; met him through the programming competitions). Loads of shawarmas! Yeah! Because I won't be getting many once I go back to Canada. So load up while I can, or something.

And then spent most of today saying goodbye. Last exams today, so a lot of people leaving this evening. Have to wonder where the time went. For ever and ever, the end of term has been several weeks away, and I had lots of time left. Then I was so busy trying to do my film project, then arrange things in Canada and with the administration...

And all of a sudden I turn around, and the exams are over, and half the people have gone and I missed my chance to say goodbye, and those that remain are leaving TODAY, dammit, and I have to scramble to find two minutes to say goodbye to any of them.

And I don't mind admitting that I'm not a little full of regret. I've lived in so many places before, moved around so much. With a few exceptions, I've never had one group of friends last more than a couple of years (then of course there are those with whom I have lost contact, only to later regain it, but that's a digression). I've gone through last goodbyes before. My life has been one series of last goodbyes after another.

And I thought I had become inured to it... typical blasé mrputter. Things become easier through repetition? Goodbye! I won't see you ever again! I don't care.

And now... I find... maybe I do care. I find... for maybe the first time... the goodbyes leave me empty afterwards.

Or maybe it's because I left things too late; and didn't really get to say goodbye to Nausheen.

Feeling a tad small?
Feeling a tad small?
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